Posted on: Thursday, January 18, 2007
Posted at: 9:34 PM
it's been a long time.. and many things have happened. i seriously don't know where to start blogging from, so let's just see how it goes.
my workload has doubled, but i can't exactly say that i'm suffering from it. like what boss says,
look at things from a different angle. so instead of saying i'm dying.. i'd say i'm enjoying every minute of it =) it's really a joy and a immense sense of satisfaction to see the kids gaining something substantial from my lessons, or just plainly enjoying the lessons. but the thing i dread most? almost everyday during lunch time i will have a meeting with boss. bahhh. i know i'm still not up to her expectations yet.. but i'm really trying very very hard. and with all the parents' 'concern calls' coming in.. i sure hope i can hang in there. i cannot let myself collapse at this point of time, esp when there're already alot of things happening in school. a quote from boss: "
if we all can survive difficult times like these, we'll all come out a stronger and better person." but to be honest, i'm scared. even boss is scared as well. but no matter what happens,
i just wish and hope for the best. for the best of the children, for the best of the teachers, for the best of everyone. as for something else.. i no longer know what to do anymore. for it seems, that no matter what i do, it'll just turn out wrong. no matter what i say, no matter what i do, no matter how hard i try.. it still remains status quo. now i don't even dare to think about coming saturday. it's like, i know what to expect, yet i'm afraid of knowing the truth. you know what? the truth now is, i'm trying to run away from reality as well. i'm serious. from all the various small talks with someone i really respect, i already have a picture of what's going to happen. but.. arghhh i don't know how to put it across. i know the truth can be really harsh, and i wish there can be a softer way to go about it. but sadly, this is life. this is reality. it's really hard to put up a facade at work. yeah sure, to everyone at work, i'm a bubbly, cheery girl who seems to always remain so cheerful even if the sky is about to collapse. the truth? i'm almost freaked out inside. oh God, please give me a sign.. i really need a sign as to how should i continue from here.speaking of which, this morning i was having lesson with the Schumann class, and Josiah said something which i thought was really incredible for a boy of his age. we was discussing the topic of "our body", and suddenly he said "Teacher Maylyn, if we pray, then we'll continue to grow bigger and bigger right?" it suddenly occurred to me, that yes. nothing is impossible with prayers. prayers do work wonders. anw. i continued to ask him if that's the case, what will happen if we don't pray? and this was his answer: "then we'll just become smaller, and smaller, and smaller.. then we will disappear!" at that point in time, i suddenly realised. even a 4-year old boy knows better than me. it's also times like these, where you really realise how the things kids say can be really amazing. my life is seriously in a huge mess now. how i wish things will just clear up overnight. but ha, i'm not God. it's really not up to me to decide.
